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Ant
A busy insect that still finds time to go to picnics.
Adder
Mathematically inclined snake.
Atheism
Non-prophet organization.
Babies
Nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at 2 a.m.
Baby sitter
A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
Buffet
A French word which means "Get up and get it yourself."
Charisma
That mysterious something that bald, dull billionaires have.
Comic books
The opera of the print media.
Drama
What literature does at night.
Ecstasy
Discovering a second layer of chocolates under the first.
Ego trip
Something that never gets you anywhere.
Emergency numbers
Police station, fire department, and places that deliver.
Eternity
The first 60 seconds of a blind date.
Etiquette
Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.
Fancy Restaurant
One that serves cold soup on purpose.
Fear
Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment.
Great economist
Someone who, tomorrow, is perfectly capable of explaining why what he forecast yesterday didn't happen today.
Kissing
A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.
Marriage
A friendship recognized by the police.
Mobile phones
The only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.
Net worth
Fisherman's income.
Perfectionist
A person who takes great pains and gives them to others.
Pessimist
Someone who complains of the noise when opportunity knocks.
Poise
The ability to continue speaking fluently while the other fellow is picking up the check.
Quartet
Where all four think the other three can't sing.
Real Patriot
The fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Semiconductors
Part-time band leaders.
Slimming
Living beyond your seams.
Summer vacation
When parents suddenly realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
Superstition
Dark side of wonder.
Tattoo
Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Walking
A form of exercise that loses some appeal when it's done behind a lawn mower.
Workaholic
Someone whose favorite entertainment is Monday morning.
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Buffet - Big Ugly Fat F***ers Eating Together
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Settle down down there little feller' there's plenty of food left. 
It was broke, so I fixed it.
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You see this patch of carpet between me and the prime rib?, it's mine. Just don't get in my way and there won't be no trouble. 
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Mike Hankey wrote: there won't be no trouble
So there will be some trouble, then? 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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Wall of Text
The message I'm replying to.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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It's called spot then thin person. I rarely win. I am by far the lightest person there, usually, and that includes children sadly. (sometimes)
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If you were given the authority to change the name of the village/town/city you live in, what would you name it and why?
I live in York, but I would change it to Tamarack. We had a tamarack tree in our back yard as a child and I've always liked the name.
Tim
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Ah - you live in Atlantis-on-Sea? 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Luton, I can't put the name I would suggest here though. 
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DoNotEnterForYourOwnSafety
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians.
Help end the violence EAT BACON
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DrunkenExterminate
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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I think anything past Watford should be renamed "Ooop North".
I appreciate it could get confusing, so to alleviate this a numbered suffix should be added.
"Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick." ~ Garth Algar
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." ~ Paul Neal "Red" Adair
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Breast
I used to have a topless dancer for a neighbor...I really like her.
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Tit's a really good suggestion!  
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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France has already beaten you to it[^]. 
"These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined."
- Homer
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I wonder if my neighbor was from there?
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Bacon.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Do not feed the troll ! - Common proverb
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Sometimes, the names are perfectly fine. There are two town in Texas, Alice and Louise. On the road between them is a third town, Comfort. According to legend, a Holiday Inn used to have a billboard on that road advertising the hotel with the slogan: "Sleep in Comfort, between Alice and Louise."
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We moved to AZ in 1959 and there was a billboard somewhere in Texas that had a teenage girl lying on the floor with her legs up on the bed and the sign read; "But a ding-a-ling for your ding-a-ling". I thought that was the neatest saying...Ok maybe just me!
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Dry Gulch.
This space intentionally left blank.
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That way whenever someone asks where you are going you can reply:
"I am going to kill you"
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...rename Luton to Sto-vo-kor just to annoy gullible Trekkies when they get there...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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