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chriselst wrote: The OP is making a parody
..thanks for pointing that out 
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1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did..........
PS. I will go get my coat now.
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Vivic wrote: 26. There was the person who sent twenty sixpuns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did..........
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TheWebDeveloper wrote: 2<layer><layer>6. There was the person who sent twenty sixpuns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten twenty six did..........
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split the cookie 
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I sent a copy of your tome to a couple of people for whom I've lost all respect.
| "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein | | "As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." - Weisert | | "If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010 |
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Got my chuckle for the day.
Along with Antimatter and Dark Matter they've discovered the existence of Doesn't Matter which appears to have no effect on the universe whatsoever!
Rich Tennant 5th Wave
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I guess it depends on how you spell u.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Not really, I do it as I do i. 
Whether I think I can, or think I can't, I am always bloody right!
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'wuh'
as in www.
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Dooblervay is my favourite way.
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Unitarian Universalist.
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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"double u" like "George W Bush" 
Press F1 for help or google it.
Greetings from Germany
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Depends on the language.
CQ de W5ALT
Walt Fair, Jr., P. E.
Comport Computing
Specializing in Technical Engineering Software
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Hi,
Just wondering, does anyone know which are the most used tools for statistical analysis?
I know about R and Python(with pandas), but there has got to be more than that... I would imagine that oracle or microsoft would have something, but so far I haven't found anything.
To those who work with such tools, what do you use at your company?
Regards
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Colin Powell
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R is more of a programming language aimed at statistics.
I believe the two main competitors are SPSS[^] and SAS[^]
But if you google for either of them you'll get more ads/links to other programs.
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Hi,
Thanks for the tip I'm looking at the sites of both SPSS and SAS and this is the kind of thing I was thinking.
I came across this area not long ago and found it to be very interesting.
Would R be the main one to learn? Have you got personal experience with it?
Regards
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Colin Powell
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SAS and SPSS are tools, R is a programming language (of sorts), so it's mostly up to what you want to achieve.
Keep in mind that R isn't intended to be anything but a specialized language that never will be mainstream.
Also note that I have no personal experience with R, I've only read up on it a bit to see if we have any use for it.
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I worked extensively in SAS... it was dreadful. If you care to know why, I can elaborate. I won't go back to it.
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We're having a couple of people here that uses SPSS. They're not happy about it. It suffers badly from featuritis while lacking usability and stability.
So yes, I'm interested in hearing your opinion on SAS.
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I used it about 3 years ago... I worked with it for a about five years up to that point (versions 8 through 9.1).
1. Licensing was always an issue. They were stuck on some old mainframe idea of charging per processing core. If you tried to run it on a modern Linux or Windows box it became unaffordable without a long negotiations fight.
2. It requires a mind shift to realign with their programming practices. All the SQL you might know and love is backwards in the world of SAS, which processes everything more like a cursor. So while that is not necessarily bad, it is uncomfortable until you understand it.
3. The interpreted sas language, which was powerful and useful for its original design (creating massive reports) was terrible if you had a real-time transactional piece inputting or updating to the database. Everything runs best in batch. You will require a 2nd system for transactional input, and require a daily synchronization process at night.
4. The interpreted sas language itself was inconsistently implemented. The syntax around keywords and operators, even for simple things, could be different from one feature to the next, so you were always having to look up documentation (even after 5 years).
5. The compiled SCL language (which I think they were dropping support) had compiler issues. Even adding or removing white space could cause random errors (basically the grammar had bugs and was unreliable). You could spend days tracking down compiler problems in and around SCL.
6. Things that should be easy in other languages are difficult or expensive (additional feature, new license) in sas.
7. Documentation was regularly missing, and unlike more popular languages, I couldn't find what I needed on the web. Maybe that has changed with some of the newer social Q/A sites.
I have a lot more opinions, but those might be related to where I worked, and not the product itself.
Edit: I had a very bad job at the time (on call every other week, multiple calls per night, etc, etc). A bank called and offered a job where I would convert SAS into .NET... I refused because I was not taking another job dealing with SAS It was really that bad.
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Have some sympathy and an upvote for the info.
We were quite recently recommended by a professor in statistics to "upgrade" to SAS, I'll think we'll pass.
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