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A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up!
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I came up with this solution after a single call to my friend in the Fed Gov.
He threatened me with exposing my cheating the IRS out of the extra peanuts I earn doing street performances on the side in Antarctic , so I rewired my antenna to transmit pulse-based active sensory packets encoded in small-form-factor calibration algorithm signal variances coupled with receiving high-energy centralized burst-casting. Works like a charm.
I then burned some software on to a CD, tied it to a helium balloon and sent it up when rain was looming nearby.
Viola: Cloud-based Software
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Please, pretty please! Will you let me have some of that stuff you're toking?
Daddy just wants to forget, (inhales deeply) tonight! 
Cheers!
"I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability!"
Ron White, Comedian
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I was going to call BS on you for a moment there as I thought you were going to refer to the turbo encabulator[^].
But what you say does make good sense 
“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”
― Christopher Hitchens
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Children finish off some well-known proverbs:
Strike while the ... bug is close.
It's always darkest before ... daylight saving time.
Don't bite the hand that ... looks dirty.
No news is ... impossible.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll ... stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the ... pigs.
An idle mind is ... the best way to relax.
Two's company, three's ... the Musketeers.
There are none so blind as ... Stevie Wonder.
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You realise that there's someone somewhere making a fortune out of making up the things 'children' say, right. What actual children actually say is always far funnier as a consequence of being totally unformulaic!
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he has been with my family and I since 2001. He stares at the wall for hours at a time now, and forgets who he is from time to time, but we still love him.
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Pictures or it didn't happen! 
As if t'interweb needed more cat pictures...
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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I will have to take some. All my pics of my cat are on my personal pc. using work pc now.
And you are correct, the internet doesn't need anymore cute cat pics.  
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OriginalGriff wrote: As if t'interweb needed more cat pictures...
It needs them as it needs more pr0n
Geek code v 3.12 {
GCS d--- s-/++ a- C++++ U+++ P- L- E-- W++ N++ o+ K- w+++ O? M-- V? PS+ PE- Y+ PGP t++ 5? X R++ tv-- b+ DI+++ D++ G e++>+++ h--- r++>+++ y+++*
Weapons extension: ma- k++ F+2 X
}
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The Lesson of San Jacinto
=========================
Santayana warned of the perils of ignoring history
Santa Anna's example warns of messin' with Texas
while the message from Santana's song about hexes
Is an enigma enveloped in a virtuosic mystery
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I love Bach, but he doesn't "fit" in that doggerel.
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If I held the door open for a clown, would that be a nice jester?
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Quit clowning around, you just had a clown TOTD.
Mongo: Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
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Only a fool would consider doing that.
*Do I see a big shoe, red nosed trend starting here?
Contrary to popular belief, nobody owes you anything.
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Says one cannibal to the other, after eating a clown, "Does this taste funny to you?"
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No. If the clown held the door for you, he would be a nice jester.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Gary R. Wheeler wrote: No. If the clown held the door for you, he would be a nice jester.
Correcting the logic of a joke makes it much funnier. 
There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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:bow:
Software Zen: delete this;
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Yesterday, the 8th, when it was supposed to arrive between the 10th and the 14th.
Loving it so far. It boots up in less than a second!
Even when the normal HDD (for data) has spun down, it takes less than a second to spin up again, so I don't even really notice it (other than than the spinning noise it makes).
I didn't post yesterday as I was getting everything set up.
It's this one[^]
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
modified 9-Jul-15 19:21pm.
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