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Odd MacDonalds have a farm
In Word you can only store 2 bytes. That is why I use Writer.
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Nicky was a lovely girl who sparkled wheresoever she went. Her best friend was Nick who knew a lot about everything, like an encyclopedia at the bottom of our garden. One day they went on a safari trip to the moon where they went for a ride on the kind of thing that nice people go for rides on on the moon. In Tasmania there used to be an animal called the Tasmanian Devil, which died out thanks to human predation. Nicky and Nick are extremely able and clever people who are ultimately responsible for everything that goes on in schools. You are grateful. In a minute you will have some questions. Some of you won't be able to answer them. That's good because this means Nicky and Nick can turn you into an academy with their magic wands. You like academies and you want all schools to be academies, notwithstanding other circumstantial evidence.
- 'Human predation' means:
a) Human deprivation
b) Human impregnation
c) Human infestation
d) Human redaction
Tick one, or die. - What does the word 'sparkled' mean?
Write 23 meanings in the space below. - How many times has your father spoken to you about Tasmanian Devils? If none, proceed to the room marked 'unworthy'.
- Do you have an encyclopedia at the bottom of your garden? If you don't have a garden, ask your parents why not.
- Do you like Nicky and Nick? Tick 'yes'.
- The word 'notwithstanding' doesn't mean 'not with standing'. English: funny old language, eh? But not for you.
- Give four sentences which explain what this brilliant piece of writing is about.
- Explain why the people who wrote this test are anonymous.
- We're finding it rather hard to think of another question but we have to or Nicky and Nick won't give us another one of these very lucrative contracts. Can you think of a question? No, don't answer that one, because we won't be able to put it through a computer.
- Ah yes, we forgot the sequence one that Michael Gove said was important. Put the following into the correct sequence:
Nicky.
Notwithstanding
Nick.
Tasmanian Devil
Encyclopedia - The word 'sparkled' is
metaphorical
hyperbolic
elliptical
sparkly
Tick one. - Count the full stops. Divide by 3. Take away the number you first thought of. Use Young's Modulus for Linear Expansion to determine whether any could have been semi-colons.
- Did you arrive in this country to live any time in the last 2 years? Do you think this test takes into consideration any of the incredible advances you have made in learning to speak, write, read and understand English?
If your answers to these two questions are yes and no, we have at least achieved something. - If you have got to the end of the test, please sit quietly looking at the clock. Do not avert your gaze.
- Avert means:
a small creature called a vert
a big creature called a vert
a green creature called a vert
a word meaning, may the heavens open and take me away from this rubbish?
veni bibi saltavi
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We do not do your homework: it is set for a reason. It is there so that you think about what you have been told, and try to understand it. It is also there so that your tutor can identify areas where you are weak, and focus more attention on remedial action.
Try it yourself, or learn the Magic Words: "Do you want fries with that?"
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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It's not for me, it's for me daughter. Being an immigrant we were worried that she would be discriminated against in the test!
veni bibi saltavi
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Whatever happened to the practice of answering everything with 42? 
You have just been Sharapova'd.
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Agent__007 wrote: Whatever happened to the practice of answering everything with 42?
42
I am not a number. I am a ... no, wait!
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16. If you are Hungarian why are you stockpiling so much gin?
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Hey @Munchies_Matt, my BBQ guru - (and the rest of you) - I need some inspiration!
Bought myself a hamburger press that enables you to stuff the burger with whatever you want. But my imagination is limited to bacon and cheese.
Has anybody got (realistic) ideas to delicious stuffing for your burger?
TIA,
Johnny J.
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Johnny J. wrote: bacon
What more can you need!
... such stuff as dreams are made on
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True, but I thought it'd be nice with some variation once in a while
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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STOP!
Make the burger with ground beef, salt and pepper. That's it. Okay, add some chilli powder if you like.
Everything else can be added to the burger, but the purer the paté the better the taste.
veni bibi saltavi
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I respect your opinion, but I don't agree. I'm a spice person - the spicier, the better as far as I'm concerned... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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I did mention you could add chilli and I guess other seasonings may be acceptable depending on your taste. But seriously, make your burgers as simple as possible, basically > 99.837% meat and then add all the other shenanigans after cooking.
veni bibi saltavi
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Chili, different spice mixes. Smoked meat, liver or similar. Schwarzwald ham or serano maybe?
First put meat mixed with chili, then bacon, cheese, bacon and more meat and press.
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Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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What Nagy said.
Coarsely ground prime rib, salt and pepper. Anything else is contamination.
Feel free to put cheese and bacon on top though.
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On top, Inside, what's the difference? 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Fat splurge, that's the difference!
On top, the fat drains off before the burger goes in the bun.
Inside, the fat can't escape until you bite in ... and squirt all over your shirt, the cat, the wife, ...
Personally, salt, pepper, maybe a touch of ground cumin (it works well with beef and enhances the flavour)
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Ah, well, but you could pre-fry the bacon on the stove before stuffing it in the burger - otherwise, it will be mostly raw anyway when the burger is ready.
As for the shirt, it doesn't matter - I can never keep it clean for more than 5 minutes anyway, no matter what I do.
As for the cats - if they're that curious, there's a learning experience for them
As for the wife - what one squirt more or less???
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Johnny J. wrote: As for the shirt, it doesn't matter - I can never keep it clean for more than 5 minutes anyway
That's because you fill your foods with molten fat!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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No, that's because I'm flucking clumsy!
Which is also why the missus declares ladders and chain saws off limits to me... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Together or separately?
veni bibi saltavi
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Doesn't matter. Same goes for axes - ever since we went to see this incredible show[^]
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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You try to help and what do you get? Problems!
veni bibi saltavi
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Not at all - I was just trying to provide today's reason to have a drink... 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
-
The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
-
I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
modified 10-May-16 5:05am.
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