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I had a message "What part of 'failed' don't you understand?" as a default in something... until a new boss came along and didn't like.
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Some software I wrote escaped into the wild with an error message of "Well thats broken it, what do feel like destroying next", strangly never had a comment on that one!
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Must have never happened in the wild. Which is a good thing.
I’ve given up trying to be calm. However, I am open to feeling slightly less agitated.
I’m begging you for the benefit of everyone, don’t be STUPID.
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PIEBALDconsult wrote: I had a message "What part of 'failed' don't you understand?" as a default in something...
Nice. I should use that in a switch statement's default clause (well, maybe the log file, not as an end-user message). 
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Well I now always check for cases that 'can't happen' the default will now be a message along the lines "Well something really odd has happened, go tell the supervisor and have a beverage"
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The boss was right - sarcasm in error messages is rarely helpful (thus contrary to their purpose) and suggests arrogance on the author's part, so is best avoided.
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In one place I worked, the error message "member not found" was display to one of the (male) PHBs. The story of the PHB's member having gone missing went around like wildfire.
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A very long time ago, I worked on a classified system where the systems guys forgot about a key need. So, I whipped up the need. Everyone was happy. Well, part of the development was a handler that caught "the end of all things" - the s/w interfacing with the system has encountered an error that was evil and all was over.
Honestly, the error should NEVER happen. So, as filler I added a "Error encountered, that's all folks message." Honestly, it was just a place holder. Honest. Reference video: Thats all folks! Looney Tunes - YouTube[^]
Now, I wrote all this code as a contractor for company A, moved to company B, and was working with company C when I got a call late one evening (back then I was always up late). It's my boss (actually a great guy and friend... ) he's in Europe and they are doing serious testing on this system... and that message came up. Conversation:
Boss: "Charlie...." inject pain and suffering and exasperation on his part... now I've had calls like this before sooo....
Me: "What's wrong boss?"
Boss: "What does it mean when ...."
Me: I started laughing.
It honestly wasn't funny. They were in the middle of system trials that were very expensive - think aircraft flying around, people shooting missiles and artillery... it was a BFD. I explained the issue, and boss sighed. But we could not change the code. To this day there is documentation running around somewhere that explains what "That's all folks" means to a bunch of Germans.
And Germans have no humor even on their best day.
So, I feel your pain.
Charlie Gilley
“Get off my lawn!"
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I did some programming for a German Engineering Company. I quickly learned that clarity of error messages counted alot and for good reason as many of the users were not engineers and were just average folks.
"Gemütlichkeit" was their catch phrase for "user friendly" software at the time (80-90's).
Language can be a tricky thing, at times.
Once I was in large German department store during holiday. It was quite crowded. Waiting in a line some folks broke up the line by wandering through. I could not think of the German phrase for "excuse me there is a line here", so I blurted out "Achtung" (attention). The crowd parted like the Red Sea. My German companion laughed and said they thought I was a policeman directing them to "make way". Live and learn.
Bottom line, "error messages are quite important".
"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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From Reader's Digest of about 50 years ago. (Much before Google)
Somebody visited West Germany for the first time, and saw signboards of 'Ausfahrt' at many places, and was initially of the idea that Ausfahrt is huge city, to which all these roads lead. However no place called Ausfahrt was found on the map. Only later did he find out that Ausfahrt means Exit.
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"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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To be fair, which is exactly where all those signs led!😉
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jmaida wrote: error messages counted a lot and for good reason as many of the users were not engineers and were just average folks.
Could somebody tell Microsoft, please? PLEASE?
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Great story! Reminds me of Blinkenlights[^]. 
ACHTUNG!
ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENSPEEPERS!
DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK, BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKEN.
IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.
ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.
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"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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In the old days, Norwegian trains had windows that you could open. There was a warning note on the window sill, stating in Norwegian "Det er farlig å lene seg ut av vinduet" (Leaning out of the windows in dangerous), in English: "Please do not lean out of the window", and then, in twice as large letters, boldface, uppercase only, in German: "ES IST STRENGSTENS VERBOTEN, SICH AUS DEM FENSTER ZU LEHNEN".
When I was a teenager, these sticky notes were disappearing: People like me and my friends pulled them off to put them on the sills of our bedroom windows. Few years later, those carriages with windows that could be opened were gone.
Religious freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make five.
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When I was 14 (early 70s) I broke my leg whilst on a school skiing trip, in Austria. Was taken pronto to the Bezirkskrankenhaus (well, it made me laugh, even at the time). I was on a trolley in a corridor (yes it happened even then, in Austria!) and a lot of medical-looking people came by and tried to establish from me what was wrong. About 4 or 5 failed to communicate (I knew zero German) and wandered off. Eventually I had inspiration (memory of some old war film, I think) and the next one that came along, I just pointed to my leg and said (slowly, loudly and clearly of course) "Ist kaput". That's all that was needed - got whisked through and treated within minutes. 
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In the pre-PC, pre-Linux days, I was working in a company making their own machines, their proprietary systems programming language and of course their own compiles. Sometimes it crashed fatally with the message "Something wrong".
We started competing: Who can make the shortest, simplest program that creates a "Something wrong" crash. Of course we reported to the compiler responsible, and the next (or maybe second) compiler release handled that case. But as "Something wrong" was a catch-all comparable to "Unhandled exception", we regularly came up with new cases. The shortest program to result in "Something wrong" was four lines long  , about as complex as "HelloWorld".
Religious freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make five.
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that's funny we did similar experimentations.
wow pre-linux goes back a bit, but I do recall those days.
"A little time, a little trouble, your better day"
Badfinger
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My favourite error messages:
The late, great pTerry: Mr. Jelly! Mr. Jelly! Error at Address Number 6, Treacle Mine Road.
The late, great pTerry: +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
"Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power" - Random T-shirt
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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These responses are most excellent and hilarious.
I have to wonder though. When I try to update Windows, it errors out with a 0xC00XXXXXX error, sorry, we blah blah blah. I have to wonder who is minding the store.
Charlie Gilley
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” BF, 1759
Has never been more appropriate.
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As I have learnt proper error messages should contain the information to cure the problem, the 'Oh Dear that can't happen message' can be a little more comic to relive stress.
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glennPattonWork3 wrote: , the 'Oh Dear that can't happen message' can be a little more comic to relive stress.
Sadly... depending on who reads that message, it might get the contrary effect and generate even more stress 
M.D.V. 
If something has a solution... Why do we have to worry about?. If it has no solution... For what reason do we have to worry about?
Help me to understand what I'm saying, and I'll explain it better to you
Rating helpful answers is nice, but saying thanks can be even nicer.
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glennPattonWork3 wrote: Oh Dear that can't happen message
Imagine such a message coming on a car dashboard while someone is driving at high speed on a highway, ...
... or on the control panel of a medical imaging equipment while a technician is amidst an imaging procedure on a patient, or worse of all, ...
... on the main screen in the cockpit of a long haul commercial flight at 35000 feet.
Can happen, though the probability is quite (infinitesimally?) low.
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