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A man is staying at an old-fashioned pub/inn. Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeeper approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest.
The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there's no harm in indulging him.
The man brings out the hen from the back room. The innkeeper explains that she only speaks Spanish, but he will translate. The man also speaks Spanish so they decide to have the contest in Spanish.
They begin the trivia battle and the chicken wins decisively. The hen speaks perfectly Spanish and answers every question accurately.
The man is blown away, a little disappointed not to get his wish but deciding that the novelty of a genius talking chicken was worth the time anyway. He tells in the innkeeper about how he didn't anticipate having such an interesting evening.
The innkeeper laughs and says "No one expects the Spanish Inn quiz wish hen".
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You better, and here's yer shoes too.
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The coat check clerk sold his coat to help pay his fine.
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I've never heard that one before. I wish it still hadn't.
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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That's brilliant 
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I'll keep the coat, thankyou. 
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That was so bad it wrapped all the way around to brilliant.
cheers
Chris Maunder
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I have Office 365, and every singe elephanting time I open an Office app I get a 3 page window that pops up. It starts with "Microsoft respects your privacy" (which they clearly don't or they wouldn't pop up this stupid window).
I click next and there's 2 radio buttons to either send or dont send optional data to MS. I click Don't, then the Accept button .....
Onto the 3rd page which is some nonsense about "Powering your experienves". There's a Done button. Click that and the window goes away.
I go through this EVER BLASTED TIME I OPEN AN OFFICE APP.
Anyone else seeing this?
If it's not broken, fix it until it is.
Everything makes sense in someone's mind.
Ya can't fix stupid.
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quick search shows that the only solution for this right now is to do a fresh install of office. many people seem to be having the same issue.
my office 365 is controlled via our ITS department, and I don't see this message, luckily.
clearing office cache is reported as a good temporary fix.
good luck.
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Nope.
I use LibreOffice because Office just tries too hard to annoy me and even the good stuff (i.e. Excel) doesn't make up for the dross.
Even if LibreOffice isn't perfect (heck, it's not even close!) on a £/useful feature basis it wins hands down...
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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OriginalGriff wrote: LibreOffice isn't perfect
It's got menus and toolbars (and an optional effluent interface for masochists), so it's much closer to perfection than another office suite I could mention.
One of the problems I have with it is the same problem that everyone has with some programs -- i.e. that some developers are idiots.
For example, I have a directory for the Libre plug-in installer (oxt) files, some of which are incredibly useful.
However, it might be handy if some developers would learn the importance of Meaningful Filenames!
• kvd[ver].oxt? Not a clue. Search for it: no results. Delete it.
• smart[ver].oxt? Not a clue. Search for it: no results. Delete it (its dev's not so bloody smart now, eh?)
Etc.
A lot of filenames in the directories where I download program installers are even worse -- and I won't start an installer only to see what it installs; I'll just delete it.
There's a possibility that that's my loss (although no app is irreplaceable*), but it's a definitely a loss for the dev who made it -- who might be a genius, but he's definitely an idiot.
* Except filematrix[^], of course
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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My main gripe with it - apart from the incredibly slow spell check - is the damn installer / upgrader.
Like many others I keep a pinned toolbar button for Writer and Calc, and I pin files I open often to those. And every time it upgrades it deletes the old version, throws away the tool bar info, and start from scratch. So I have to open the toolbar list, take a screenshot, save it, open the other toolbar list, take a screenshot, save it, upgrade and then use the screenshots to restore the toolbar file lists.
There are many, many bug reports on this one ... but it's not as exciting as breaking adding new features, I guess.
"I have no idea what I did, but I'm taking full credit for it." - ThisOldTony
AntiTwitter: @DalekDave is now a follower!
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OriginalGriff wrote: Even if LibreOffice isn't perfect (heck, it's not even close!) on a £/useful feature basis it wins hands down...
On the most useful feature for me, maintaining usable performance in spreadsheets with several million cells (~20k rows x ~300-1000 columns) Libre Office Calc is at best slow and janky, with filters that regularly fail to apply (apparent timeout), and at the higher end of the column range flat out refuses to open the file.  (Google sheets won't open even smaller variations.)
If you're thinking spreadsheets that large are a horrible idea, so does everyone but the customer and the customers stats person who fold/spindle/mutilate the contents of DenormalizedEverythingInTheDatabase.xlsx into the conclusion of "our stuff works, so give us grant to keep going next year. KTYTHXBY."; and since that's what keeps my paycheck coming..... 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, weighing all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Kevin Marois wrote: I go through this EVER BLASTED TIME I OPEN AN OFFICE APP.
Obvious solution: Leave it running in the background. C'mon, you have the RAM now...
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... for which, no doubt, they are thankful.
Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
-- 6079 Smith W.
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Most of the time I might agree, but I say give these guys a listen. I've seen them several times, and it's always a blast, yes, even with the accordian.
BeauSoleil[^]
"the debugger doesn't tell me anything because this code compiles just fine" - random QA comment
"Facebook is where you tell lies to your friends. Twitter is where you tell the truth to strangers." - chriselst
"I don't drink any more... then again, I don't drink any less." - Mike Mullikins uncle
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or a banjo.
"They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers! Can I get an amen?"
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What's the difference between an accordian and a banjo,
The accordian take longer to burn.
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Thanks ! That's an important consideration.
"They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers! Can I get an amen?"
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So, for the sake of humanity, in particular the portions of it that have to suffer the godawful noise made by accordion buskers, we should shoot all accordions players into space.
The accordions themselves can then be repurposed as reflective surfaces in Antarctica, to help fight the destruction of the permafrost.
I wanna be a eunuchs developer! Pass me a bread knife!
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I'm making an exception for Weird Al Yankovic. He gets away with it.
Everybody else though is fair game.
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