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Suicide with plausible deniability.
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I predict that as part of the misguided attempts to protect the idiots of the world from any and all possible dangers, the next version of the user manual will contain the line:
Please exercise caution while walking near open manholes, the edges of cliffs, and other hazards to falling.
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Who knows what's already in there, nobody reads the manual anyway 
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The lawyers know. Be very afraid...
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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What user's manual? I have yet to see one for a cell phone.
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In my part of the world, you typically get a short "quick start" guide in the package, which tells you how to insert the battery and SIM, what the various buttons do, etc. It often includes useful warnings such as "flushing your new phone down the toilet will void its warranty".
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
--Winston Churchill
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Brings a whole new meaning to the word pratfall!!!
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A small modification in title:
Cell Phones ARE hazardous to your life!
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Cue Wile E. Coyote.
Software Zen: delete this;
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Why would she be shouting at the TV?  Is it like some sort of tradition in Welsh Wales?
Edit: I must admit my immediate thought was that we were still on the giving of pills to cats when I saw the subject!
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No, but she seems to believe she can influence the actions of the characters in films, cop shows, and even documentaries if she yells at them loudly enough to "shoot the ******" or similar. 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Only if it's live television and she shouts REALLY loud 
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My mom does the same thing. It's insanely annoying. She also does it out in public, getting a lot of dirty and 'are you crazy or what' looks.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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Ah yes, the joys of one's better half using modern technology.
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My wife is on her third iPad...best gift(s) I ever bought her. Keeps her off of my laptop and conversation decreased by about 80%! 
"Go forth into the source" - Neal Morse
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I gave my missus a tablet too...Rohypnol.
modified 26-Dec-15 16:02pm.
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TV sounds me better - now she's yelling at you...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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All pets need medications from time to time to keep them healthy, but there are significant differences between the methods required to administer said meds, to wit:
How to give the cat a pill
- Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
- Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
- Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
- Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
- Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
- Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
- Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
- Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give the dog a pill
Will Rogers never met me.
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Pterry said that every method for giving a cat a pill works.
Once.
veni bibi saltavi
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