The Lounge is rated Safe For Work. If you're about to post something inappropriate for a shared office environment, then don't post it. No ads, no abuse, and no programming questions. Trolling, (political, climate, religious or whatever) will result in your account being removed.
Days come and go, yeah, things happen and you try to find someone to blame. But who do you blame when you have no one to blame?
I mean i had some positive news this year, my 1y contract got set to a unlimited one, i got a new car (my first one) and it seemed to go with the flow up!
But my work load doubled since i lost my collegue (which was a freelancer) my first introduction of my software went bad cause everyone did what they wanted and i forgott to implement locks (multiuserrestrictions), my lady went throught a hard time during her masters this semester and we both went down a huge load of stress and had very little sleep. I had a problem with my knee which is still not better and seems to become a case for the hospital and an operation.
Then, the sun seemed to shine again, i got the car, we took it and on the way back someone hit the car of my lady with 30 kmh (we were in a stop and go traffic jam). Looked horrible and this morning my happiness about my new car went below 0, economical disaster, her car remains unrepairable and we have to look for a new one. She is still a student so we have not that much money since im the only one taking some home. Even worse, i bought an expensive car, bank loan + loan within the family has to be paid. My nerves are grounded. It all feels like a big joke now, the only question right now is who's gonna get depressed first, her or me.
Sorry to disturb you with all that but i needed some kind of relief now.
Yes, life can throw some bad stuff at you. Your tale of woe reminds me of a period in my life many years ago. The only answer is to face it head on and work to resolve the problems, however long it may take. And let us hope that you and your girlfriend can support each other, if not financially, then at least emotionally.
Her car is not repairable = she gets a little bit of money, but much less than you would need to get a working car.
My car has 120000km, is 5 years old, so I can still drive about 130000km with hit. If it gets hit by someone tomorrow and they cannot repair it, because of too much damages, I'd get 2200€ form the insurance. With 2200€, I can not buy a working car.
A friend of my brother had a business a number of years ago, importing cars and vans from Europe to order. His business partner would source the cars, and then he would fly over and drive them back. This worked very well for a number of years until he was stopped by French customs crossing from Belgium with a ton and a half of cannabis hidden inside the van he was driving.
Turns out over the years he had been smuggling loads of drugs and not known a thing about it.
His partner got away completely free whilst he spent a number of years in a French prison.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
I wouldn't like to sound like your mum, but...
Would it be disaster (would you loose the job) if for a 3 month period you would ease a bit there? Can the two of you share cars for some period of time? Can you talk to the family to hold that loan for a while (the bank probably will say no - but it may worth to ask there too)?
Take a few days off (not in a block but spread over weeks - a day in every two weeks for the next 3 months?) to do nothing...
And most importantly focus on what really important! If you compare a broken car to a possible fight with family, you will see how that car is secondary and unimportant...
It will not buy you a new car, or pay the loan, but you may see the colors...
Skipper: We'll fix it. Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this? Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
May sound silly, but you and your girlfriend have got each other and you both are healthy as I understand (except for your knee...I had two knee-surgeries a few years ago and I can tell you that this usually works out fine).
...and that is the most important thing!
So keep your head up, the rest will eventually fall into place!
I almost got hit by someone going 100+ MPH in a school zone. I was stopped at a red light but quickly blasted through and over to the side to avoid a collision. I was not in trouble as seven police cars were there and saw the guy blazing through. He ended up crashing and being thrown a good distance away, and yet was amazingly uninjured. According to the news he had a BAC of .157. The car was stolen as well, and the elderly person he beat up to steal it died, so he was hit with murder charges as well.
It seriously can be worse. Stay strong, and keep on going.
In my country there is a saying: "It will all get well until marriage." It is used for young people who do not realize just how much time is on their side. You two seem to be only in your twenties; and the gypsy lady says these tiny problems will be campfire stories before you hit 30ty. I'm 43 and just a year ago I had a very nasty financial situation. Solved it. But it sure would help if I was in my 20, because it is easier to fix things when you are young. My savings shall be back to normal when I'm 45. Yours - when you're 28. So relax and let it be for a while. After all the problems don't get fixed any sooner if you pile them on your stomach.
None of us is everready, it happened to me too. It's less than a year that I live on my own with my GF, still student, destroyed my second car and had to revert to the old one (luckily I kept it) with a lot of money to spend to repair it (my dad told me he was to demolish it and then he repaired it for me as a Christmas present, bless him) but the shock is still there and the economic damage too.
Alo there are problems with my GF study carreer that will force her to attend a University 150 km farther than the one she's currently enrolled in, so there will be huge costs of transportation. Every so often I need to make repairs in my rented house since all the equipment is old and battered, then there come taxes of any kind and surprises like huge bills not dictated by actual usage...
Sounds like you are just starting out, in 5-10 years time all these problems will be a memory once you've started to establish yourselves, and more or less forgotten later. The trick is to pick yourself up and carry on.
It's times like these that I am reminded of the words of one of the greatest warriors in human history, when he was asked what is best in life.
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
As long as you have those three things, nothing else matters.
Side note: My Calculus III professor played that clip[^] on the overhead projector before an exam once, and then said "You know you've written a good exam when you hear the lamentations of the women." Some of us were heartened by it, others were terrified.
The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative. -Winston Churchill
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. -Oscar Wilde
Wow, even the French showed a little more spine than that before they got their sh*t pushed in.[^] -Colin Mullikin
Well, at least you have each other! Sometimes I find it helpful, during rough times, to write down all the great things going on in life. Do that with your lady (and don't forget to include her in the list!)
If you're more of a melancholic type, like my gf, sometimes, odd as it may seem to people like me, it actually helps to realize how much more other people are suffering, those with terminal illnesses (like my friend), the homeless people that I see almost every day right here in Hudson NY, even the roadkill cat on my way to the grocery store -- most likely, that was someone's beloved pet.
And lastly, sometimes it really is uplifting to do some random act of kindness for someone. It doesn't have to be money, it can be volunteering at a church that is feeding the hungry, etc. Again, another activity that can be really rewarding to do with your partner.
Me, personally, I often simply go through a quick mental exercise of asking, well, will I be having these troubles in 6 months, a year, five years? Probably not most of them, probably different ones, but all I know is that life is not an immutable function.