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I think that that is the funniest thing to come out of Redmond since Vista.
If I was as cynical back in college as I am today I could of had to much fun at the expense of those poor students in the computer lab.
One day a girl came up to me when I was working in the computer lab and said her mouse was stuck in the middle of the screen and would go no further. I went over and proceeded to pickup the mouse and recenter it on the mouse pad. She was amazed.
Another good one was when someone came up to me and said their floppy was stuck in the drive. Somehow they had managed to shove two floppies into the one drive.
The good news is that I was convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that a career in help-desk support was not for me!
I've never had the two floppies, although I did see toast, coins and paperclips (short people did it). I also had one inserted backwards (31/2 inch).
For the real dummies, we used to tell them the bits in their memory had become broken or bent. We then sent over a floppy with instructions on how to cure the problem. When the program loaded, it was an animation of a thing like a giant meat grinder where bent bits got fed into the hopper and straightened ones came out the bottom into a chute labelled memory. This used to run for two or three minutes and then display a message saying all was well. It was amazing how often this was reported as solving the problem, even being recommended to colleagues by some of the suckers.
I cannot recall the name of the program, although I have searched for it a few times. It was about the days of WFW 3.11.
Do not read medical books! You could die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?"
“I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”
My favorite was from the same era... On startup it reported detecting water in the hard drive. It then claimed it was starting a spin cycle, and made a whirring noise through the onboard speaker that kept rising in pitch for about a minute. It then got quiet and reported that water had been successfully removed from the drive. Classic!
BTW - When I found it again, years later, and tried running it, the program ended as soon as I clicked on it. I guess it depended on a 4.77 MHz clock...
"A Journey of a Thousand Rest Stops Begins with a Single Movement"
Great story about a help desk being called because the computer wouldn't work. They went through all the usual until the help desk asked the user to assure the computer was plugged in. The user replied they couldn't tell. When asked why, the user replied the power was out and they couldn't see behind the desk where it was plugged in.
We'd just got our first (secondhand) disk drive on a Honeywell 200, up until then the only data storage was mag tape.
I was working on an accounting system and the Trial Balance wouldn't -- balance. So I told the operators to call the Honeywell to get them to rebalance the disk drive by installing some new gyroscopes. They made the call and told the engineers what I'd said, the engineers came over and played with the drive for a while.
In the meantime we found the bug in the Trial Balance program and rebuilt it. When we ran it, it did indeed balance, thanks to the new gyroscopes -- or so the operators thought. When their manager returned from holidays, he disabused them of their delusions and then abused me and the engineers for taking the piss out of his ops. On the following Friday we took them all down to the pub for a drink.
On the other side of the story - I also worked tech support (second level), and these are a few of the idot comments that the first level techs put in the tickets they sent me - these are comments that I personally copied and kept because they were so funny. I did not correct spelling (sometimes that is half the humor), and I've added my own little (snide) comments in italics ...
... since the customer can not visualize anything on the screen, almost like an OS issue. So the customer needs the Braille version of Windows?
Found the script and did everything ... Nothing works. Nothing works? Not even standing on your head and whistling Dixie?
... the Outlook issue is at steak. No, no, no - the steak is at the Sizzler!
- or -
How terrible! The customer's difficulties with Outlook are at risk of getting fixed!
The customer has problems. ... and the tech has issues.
The customer claims that some people with an external account used to get encryption from him. I contradicted him. The customer is always wrong!
... turning into a how to scenario, and what could be better. I don't know - what could be better ... except maybe helping the customer?
Remote conected to the customesr machine, the process is not taken. Tried it twice, unchecked. ... or maybe you just checked out?
The customer has a file that is password-protected. Could not break the password. Looked to see if it would work. Yeah - those new retinal scanners are tough ...
Looked in the script and tried to solve this error, but did not work. Keep up that not working, and pretty soon you won't have a job!
... after 20 minutes on call, I became hopeless. No comment necessary
Back in the 80's when we had a variety of floppy disk formats, 8 inch, hard and soft sectored, 16 sector vs 32 sector etc, and the introduction of 5.25 in diskettes etc, I was working for a company that produced high end typsetters. We were distrbuting a family of fonts on 7, 8 inch floppies with the instructions on how to install the fonts. A couple of days after shipping the fonts, our tech support team got a call from a client stating that they were haveing a problem installing the fonts. The client was not sure what they were to do about the problem that they had encountered. They said that they had 6 of 7 disks in the drive, but no matter how they tried, they could not get the 7th diskette into the drive, and they could not seem to get any of the diskettes out at this point to re-try inserting the diskettes. They wanted to know "How to procceed". We had to put a field engineer on the next flight out with a new diskette drive and a new set of font diskettes! We all laughed about this one for a very long time every time someone would recall or retell the story! It never got embelished either, it did not need to because life is so much funnier all on its own!
Haha, I'm definately one of those...the worst part is that the elevator in our building actually hesitates before closing the doors if you hit it more than once...so it just makes you even angrier, resulting in more button presses...its terrible really.
I used to work in a building where the elevator 'forgot' your request. It's like the firmware only tracked the last 2 or 3 presses. So, if you push the button on floor 3, and someone else pushed the buttons on 5, 7, and 8, the elevator would go to floors 5, 7, and 8. The only way to ensure that it came to your floor was to keep hitting the button periodically.