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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
ZurdoDev12-Feb-20 10:27
mveZurdoDev12-Feb-20 10:27 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
Eddy Vluggen12-Feb-20 11:00
professionalEddy Vluggen12-Feb-20 11:00 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
ZurdoDev12-Feb-20 11:10
mveZurdoDev12-Feb-20 11:10 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
Jörgen Andersson12-Feb-20 4:29
professionalJörgen Andersson12-Feb-20 4:29 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
Eddy Vluggen12-Feb-20 4:31
professionalEddy Vluggen12-Feb-20 4:31 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
lopatir12-Feb-20 4:55
Memberlopatir12-Feb-20 4:55 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
musefan12-Feb-20 4:31
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
lopatir12-Feb-20 4:33
Memberlopatir12-Feb-20 4:33 
Trust is the best way, and always make your kids feel safe and welcome at home.

don't go putting up fences (internet filters etc)
- it absolutely destroys trust (no matter what you say)
- once trust is gone forget about them coming to you when in trouble.


Why so permissive, why no fences?

If you put up fences or tell them not to do something, guess what: they will do it anyway, but now do it somewhere else,
...somewhere probably less safe, somewhere where you can't quickly step in and help if things go wrong.

After some events (friends over and some alcohol drunk, somebody sleeps over) I have a little chat (not lecture), "what did you achieve by getting drunk? (or just cussing etc)" "did you really impress your friends in a meaningful way?" "what did you get from it that's useful?"
I'll also throw in a "hows school going?" - if they start spouting results I'll stop them and ask again "hows life at school?" (you realise that's a 'trust opening/building' question - and of course if there are issues then discuss solutions - THEIR solutions (with guidance) - shows you are interested in them, shows you trust them, you trust their opinion - the academic results will follow.

once in a while (much less often) they still have a gathering/stay over but it's more self controlled, still safe, and sometimes they'll even get apologies after. I tell them "fine, glad it didn't get too stupid, everyone is OK right." Don;t expect your kids to be monks or nuns.

I trust them, they trust me, I keep them safe, they feel that, they respect that,they respect my opinion with love, not begrudgingly obey, not pay lip service to me.
both kids did well at school - without pressure, now doing really well at uni, on their own.

trust matters most
- absolutely don't put up fences (NO internet filters and forced on-line curfews: 100% = you don't trust them).
- avoid out of the blue "let's talk" - they ALWAYS take that as fishing for reasons not to trust them.
-- which/please honestly examine yourself: it really is fishing for reasons not to trust / allow them to do something.

The time to talk is AFTER a wild night (even then stick to the "what did YOU get out of it" - let them examine their own experience and take aways ...not "what if" or "you are lucky X didn't happen" or "don't do that again" - because they will and to avoid you finding out perhaps at an even higher risk level.


Edit: internet filters are just electronic window bars. 100% trust killers.
Edit 2: no trust is perceived as no love.
after many otherwise intelligent sounding suggestions that achieved nothing the nice folks at Technet said the only solution was to low level format my hard disk then reinstall my signature. Sadly, this still didn't fix the issue!


modified 12-Feb-20 10:43am.

GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
ZurdoDev12-Feb-20 4:55
mveZurdoDev12-Feb-20 4:55 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
lopatir12-Feb-20 5:21
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
Amarnath S12-Feb-20 4:42
professionalAmarnath S12-Feb-20 4:42 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
Gerry Schmitz12-Feb-20 15:32
mveGerry Schmitz12-Feb-20 15:32 
GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
Davyd McColl12-Feb-20 21:41
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
RobertHarris13-Feb-20 0:33
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
MKJCP13-Feb-20 1:25
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
BryanFazekas13-Feb-20 1:53
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
MSBassSinger13-Feb-20 3:26
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
milo-xml13-Feb-20 5:50
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
willichan13-Feb-20 8:52
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
StatementTerminator14-Feb-20 5:49
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GeneralRe: what is the best way? Pin
ormonds26-Feb-20 18:07
Memberormonds26-Feb-20 18:07 
GeneralAn unofficial Watchmen spin-off? Pin
Mark_Wallace11-Feb-20 22:37
MemberMark_Wallace11-Feb-20 22:37 
AnswerRe: An unofficial Watchmen spin-off? Pin
lopatir12-Feb-20 0:57
Memberlopatir12-Feb-20 0:57 
GeneralRe: An unofficial Watchmen spin-off? Pin
Mark_Wallace12-Feb-20 3:21
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GeneralRe: An unofficial Watchmen spin-off? Pin
glennPattonWork12-Feb-20 1:45
professionalglennPattonWork12-Feb-20 1:45 

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