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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
/ravi
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He'd be caught dead before tapping that 
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I'm reading Simon Garfield's excellent book On The Map. I'm reading about the early origins of maps made of London and came upon these somewhat prosaic streets and areas called: Hooker's Court, The Fiery Pillar, Scummer Alley, Dagger Alley, Pickaxe Alley, Dark Entry, and Slaughter Yard. All of them give an insight into what went on within their confines. But none more so than one called, yes, Gropecunt Lane. 
They don't give names to streets like that anymore. 
If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.
modified 26-Jan-14 11:43am.
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I checked the last lane in Wikipedia[^] (possibly not SFW) and found that the name "appears to have been derived as a compound of the words grope and ****"
No sh*t Shylock! I would never, ever, have guessed that... 
Sometimes names are less obvious, but more interesting: there is a Dogflud Way in Farnham, Surrey (named after a non-longer-extant suburb called "Dogflud") which makes you wonder just what went on there...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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I should have marked the thread NSFW. Have done so.
If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.
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its obvious
flud is a derrivative dasfluddenkoptdechoppenwiggeblottannowmenchan
dasfluddenkoptdechoppenwiggeblottannowmenchan is high german for haircut, so it was the area of town renowned for its pet grooming shops
You cant outrun the world, but there is no harm in getting a head start
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
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I think you should go to Hell[^]
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That was on the BBC news recently when the freezing conditions in the US endorsed the old adage "when hell freezes over", something the weather presenters were quick to take up on. I feel sorry for you folk that had to endure that icy blast. It must have been awful to get about in. Then add power cuts and you have conditions that no number of willy-warmers can protect you against. Brrrrrr.
If there is one thing more dangerous than getting between a bear and her cubs it's getting between my wife and her chocolate.
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I have a little Uno inherited from my dad. Just before he passed away he was having trouble getting it to start, and before that, having it die on a drive somewhere, even close.
I would now like to solve the non-starting problem first. The battery is charged and seems strong. It takes many tries to start and revs of the starter motor before it shows much discharge. I will be working along, and therefore have difficulty with things like turning the starter and checking for spark. I will rig a jumper lead from the battery to the starter solenoid for this.
I see the possible causes of non-starting as:
Electrical - no spark voltage from the coil. - no voltage to individual plugs from the distributer, very likely points. - no power at all for the ignition system. No idea where to look here. Fuel - No fuel. The car does have fuel though, ruling that out. - No fuel reaching the fuel pump, i.e. a blocked line or filter. - No fuel reaching the carb, i.e. a malfunctioning fuel pump. Carb - A blocked jet or cannel somewhere. - A stuck float or malfunctioning float valve (dunno what it's really called). - A stuck butterfly, allowing no air and ergo no vapourization of fuel.
I'm asking this question not to directly ask what is wrong, or what must I do, but I would like to narrow things down, and am hoping that members here familiar with the Uno could give me a start, say a prioritization of the possible faults I list, and, or, additional faults I could check.
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Start with sparks. If you don't have a good spark, then you don't have anything that'll get it going!
Whip out the plugs and have a good look at 'em - I don't know what the plug gap should be, but they do wear out (they generate sparks, so they erode away as the sparks are created as the gap gets bigger - bigger gap, worse spark, and also can be later spark). Then all you have to do is wedge one of them onto the engine block and turn the engine over with your bypass wire - you are looking for a good fat blue spark. Yellow is a bad sign.
Good spark at each plug means (probably) that the whole electrical system is working (though the advance / retard could be stuck, it's generally a vacuum system running off the inlet manifold and it normally affects running rather than starting because when it fails it's generally because the hose has split).
Then it's fuel, and that's a lot harder to work out: Try cleaning a plug as best you can, then putting the plugs back in, and try to start the engine for a minute or so. Quickly remove the clean plug and smell it - any petrol? Does it look wet? What colour is it? Brown or tab is good, black or white is bad.
If you can isolate it to one system or the other, it makes a huge difference!
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Spark,fuel and compression are the tree basics.
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Silly me; I thought that root, branch, and leaf were the tree basics. 
Will Rogers never met me.
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There I go again trying to put brain in gear before my morning coffee. 
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Good morning, now that I've had my coffee I can answer somewhat intelligently!
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sounds like fuel. is it an electrical or mechanical fuel pump on the Uno? I forget.
Take the fuel pipe off the carb, stick it in a jar and turn on the ignition, if its electric it will pump, if iuts mechanica,l crank the engine. it should spurt hard and strong.
Next you porobably need to clean out the carb, there could be water or dirt in the float bowl or in the jet wells. THis is a bit trickky, you need to pull the carb apart.
Basically, if it works at all, it isnt electrics, they either work or donnt. Fuel will gfive you bad running.
This rule isnt always true, but generally it is.
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Erudite_Eric wrote: THis is a bit trickky, you need to pull the carb apart.
That is something close to the top of my mechanic skills list. I stripped and cleaned the Weber on my Renault 5 almost every week because something was wrong. I couldn't fix it, but strip and assemble it I could almost do blindfold.
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I thought Fiats also required a hill.
This space intentionally left blank.
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and a push. That's why they have rear window heaters - for keeping the pushers' hands warm during winter stars.
- I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
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how long has the fuel been in it? fuel can go off, this can conbine with weak spark/bad timing to stop ignition
You cant outrun the world, but there is no harm in getting a head start
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
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About a year, since my dad died during the time he was trying to get it to start. So even if old fuel is a problem now, it wasn't the cause of the same problem when it was fresh.
modified 27-Jan-14 4:20am.
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is it points or electronic ignition? if points (and I dont know when they moved to electronic) then gap, corrosion on the contacts or condense can all cause problems (if electronic then forget the whole of this post)
You cant outrun the world, but there is no harm in getting a head start
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
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I think it's points. Still looks like a good old fashioned type distributor.
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then clean the contacts on the points (or better yet replace both points and condensor they are usualy cheap and always help)
new plugs and points was always the first steps
another good check is to turn the engine over in the dark and check that the spark isnt escaping, I have seen many bad starters being down to the spark finding an easier route to earth than those pesky sparkplugs
You cant outrun the world, but there is no harm in getting a head start
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
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