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Johnny J. wrote: pint of gin
It comes in pints?
You'll never get very far if all you do is follow instructions.
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In Nagy's local bar it does! 
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant
Anonymous
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The problem with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine
Winston Churchill, 1944
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I'd just like a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Me, all the time
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Argonia wrote: Chocolate, because Chocolate is always the answer.
 Indeed!
"State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful"
Chris C-B
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... and you just can't hide it!
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I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I was going to use the "And I know I know I know I know I know I want you" line, but frankly? You're not my type.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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I want to love you, feel you,
Wrap myself around you.
I want to squeeze you, please you,
I just can't get enough.
... and that's what I sing to my chocolate bar! 
"State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful"
Chris C-B
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Until the last line, I was getting worried!
(Herself might not take it well) 
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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What's Yellow and Highly Dangerous?
Shark Infested Custard.
How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.
How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
The door won't close.
How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.
How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
By the footprints in the butter.
Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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OriginalGriff wrote: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard
 That's actually not a joke, it's factually correct.
I was ambushed when eating a bowl of custardy pudding by a hot sticky elephant and I've never been able to face a Spotted Dick since! 
"State acheived after eating too many chocolate-covered coconut bars - bountiful"
Chris C-B
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What you do in the privacy of your own home...
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Quote: What you do in the privacy of your own home...
we want pictures of. No wait... 
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Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in the strawberry patch.
Have you ever seen an elephant in the strawberry patch?
No.
Great disguise, isn't it?
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Don't mention parrots, there are usually chicken chilling out nearby somewhere...
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What's brown and sticky? A stick
What's smelly, brown and sounds like a bell? Dung
=========================================================
I'm an optoholic - my glass is always half full of vodka.
=========================================================
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DeathByChocolate wrote: over excited!
Take a cold shower.
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Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.
Witnesses were aghast, amazed, astonished, astounded, bemused, benumbed, bewildered, confounded, confused, dazed, dazzled, disconcerted, disoriented, dumbstruck, electrified, flabbergasted, horrified, immobilized, incredulous, nonplussed, overwhelmed, paralyzed, perplexed, scared, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, surprised, taken aback, traumatized, upset.
PS. One or both of the trucks may have been driven by Leslie Nielsen.
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This is the kind of joke which are easier to write than to tell.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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It was a joke?!
I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. (V)
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I am amazed, astounded, bewildered, boggled, confounded, dazed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, overwhelmed, shocked, stunned, stupefied, floored, staggered, blown away that you did not get it.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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You anticipated, expected, foresaw, predicted, prepared for, assumed that he would find it funny?
Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it. --- George Santayana (December 16, 1863 – September 26, 1952)
Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it. --- OriginalGriff (February 24, 1959 – ∞)
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Thank god you weren't disconcerted, disoriented, dumbstruck, electrified, immobilized or paralyzed... 
Whether I think I can, or think I can't, I am always bloody right!
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Simply; He wasn't in New York when it happened
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Or he was in the truck.
~RaGE();
I think words like 'destiny' are a way of trying to find order where none exists. - Christian Graus
Entropy isn't what it used to.
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