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That's exactly pissed me off - so we pay for you to keep us inside boundaries (as for whatever reason we are unable to do so by ourself (and customers do not believe us anyway)), and you come around to drink coffee!!!
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Kornfeld Eliyahu Peter wrote: he had only one comment: 'coffee is good here'...
Did you see him carrying a rather heavy briefcase on his way out?
At least it's not as obvious a scam as "The Guild of Master Craftsmen" 
How do you know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
modified 31-Aug-21 21:01pm.
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Just out of interest, how many of you dear friends are using some sort of agile process (scrum etc.) in your working lives?
What method(s) are you using?
What tools are you using?
Like it/ Love it / Hate it
Tried it/ditched it?
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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I use Agile in the following ways:
1. on waking whenever I beat the crap out of myself mercilessly for every single stupid thing I've done until I no longer remember any stupid things I have done.
2. if I find myself starting to feel like I've accomplished something, I call a Scrum and reduce myself to tears as my other personalities tear my little ounce of pride to bits.
3. Friends ? dear Friends ? who's got time for those when there's code to write ?
4. the tools I use are memories, hallucinations, dreams, fantasies, reveries, and any other mental state I can get the lasso of awareness around and bull-dog.
5. I do use one "physical" device: a mirror painted black.
cheers, Bill
«I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center» Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
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I use the make-it-done-and-efficiently method for most of my development...
I do not know what names can you call it - I actually called an IT manager of or customer a*hole for asking me if I'm using SCRUM (because it is the only way things can be done!), telling him it is not his f* business how I make things happen...
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit and a whole lotta duct tape.
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Kornfeld Eliyahu Peter wrote: telling him it is not his f* business how I make things happen...
I'd have thought it was exactly the IT Manager's business ...
PooperPig - Coming Soon
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how many of you dear friends are using some sort of agile process (scrum etc.) in your working lives?: about 10 i can confirm
What method(s) are you using?: Scrum, kanban and Lean because of company standards 
What tools are you using?: old fashioned kanban board
Like it/ Love it / Hate it: i like it, way better than the waterfall stuff.
Tried it/ditched it?: see the above.
Life's like a nose, you've got to get out of it whats in it!
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As i am a lone Ranger on my Project i scrum a lot and work very agile.
I talk to myself in a lot of situations to discuss changes with me, sometimes we come to a good idea and transport it directly to developementteam me.
I iterate through Projectstates after several tasks are done. In these Iterations i have meetings with myself to check if we are on the plan or if there are any showstoppers on the tasks.
New concepts and stuff are developed meanwhile be me to assure the functionality is sufficient for the users.
Sometimes i am lucky and get one or two of the guys that need to work with that system, then i can ask if it's okay like its done, they agree to everything 
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Code reviews. You need some code reviews and twomof you should start doing pair programming.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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Oh dear you are right, i need codereviews!
But since me and my other half are sticking to CLEAN CODE most of the code should be a ok.
Yeah maybe i train both hands on fully programming and rock of on two pc's to meet capacity needs 
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{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
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else
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I have only been on one team in, say, eight years, where we didn't use basic, non-religious, scrum. OK, one other team we used Kanban, but I think that's close enough to scrum. For the non-religious, that is. It's always been good, and at least felt better than more formal processes; I don't know whether business felt as good as the developers though.
No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly. - Oscar Wilde
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We use anti-agile, whatever that is called, I guess all of these look like valid descriptors for how work gets done;
Antonyms for agile
apathetic
depressed
dispirited
down
dull
ignorant
inactive
lazy
lethargic
lifeless
rigid
slow
sluggish
stiff
stupid
brittle
clumsy
Maxxx wrote: What tools are you using?
I think they are called Project Managers.
It is a shite way of working.
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Agile is good and I like it. Most people have a hard time with it though, for whatever reason, and thus, don't really implement the methodology well. Eventually, they are no longer practicing Agile anymore, and they are back to their old habits. 
I have used Rally for managing our user stories and defects.
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Ernst Stavro Blofeld wrote: and they are back to their old habits
I find they're the best habits to have. One is so much more comfortable with them.
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I work across multiple teams running scrum and kanban, mostly it works well and I quite like it as long as the people working on it are pragmatic and stick to core principles instead of religiously sticking to the text book. We're using Team Foundation Server for backlog management, boards etc...
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
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I'm pretty much identical to you. Multi teams, Scrum, TFS, pragmatic, generally like it...
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Every day we have a meeting where we are not allowed to say anything of substance. Even though I tell them everyday I do not need help I have to say that every day now I just say something like did this, no road blocks no help needed.
Then once a week we have a session where everything that was said that morning is repeated.
We pay large money for a certified scrum master who would not know an html document from a squirrel.
No credit is ever given to the developer and at one point we were told that everyone is a developer. Therefore no one is a developer.
Hate is far to weak.
Scrum means take your coding time away from you.
The BA designed the lay out of an ASPX page and demanded that the labels for the radio button list be above the buttons.
The purpose of the agile team is to stop the development of software and deprecate developers.
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Well, building it is.
I am quite surprised at how easy Python is to build. Run a batch script then open the solution file and build. That's it.
It would be nice if all open source projects were this easy to build/use.
The only hiccups I have had are the batch files for Python 2.7.9 failing with newer TCL/TK versions, so I had to run the nmake commands manually.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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Yap.Its quite useful for automation tools. We have a bunch of tools that uses and processes a few of our financial apps.
modified 18-May-15 18:09pm.
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You mean building the compiler?
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Yup. Building the Python Compiler/Interpreter/Runtime/etc. It just works™.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The metaphorical solid rear-end expulsions have impacted the metaphorical motorized bladed rotating air movement mechanism.
Do questions with multiple question marks annoy you???
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WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India
into a SOVEREIGN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and
to secure to all its citizens:
JUSTICE, social, economic and political;
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity of the Nation;
Constitutions tend to be just so much hot air. I suppose there's a reason you didn't post this in the Soapbox.
I guess it's the ideal that counts, eh?
Marc
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Marc Clifton wrote: I suppose there's a reason you didn't post this in the Soapbox.
Mostly that I didn't consider it political in the least, and felt the momentary need to tell the joke in the headline.
Don't worry, I won't bother your eye space further (today)
TTFN - Kent
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Kent Sharkey wrote: and felt the momentary need to tell the joke in the headline.
Indeed, and it was quite excellent!
Marc
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