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GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
Nagy Vilmos25-Sep-13 12:49
professionalNagy Vilmos25-Sep-13 12:49 
GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 14:14
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 14:14 
GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
Johnny J.25-Sep-13 20:16
professionalJohnny J.25-Sep-13 20:16 
GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
Joe Woodbury26-Sep-13 5:21
professionalJoe Woodbury26-Sep-13 5:21 
GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov26-Sep-13 5:41
R. Giskard Reventlov26-Sep-13 5:41 
GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
Joe Woodbury26-Sep-13 6:02
professionalJoe Woodbury26-Sep-13 6:02 
GeneralRe: Agents of Shield Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov26-Sep-13 6:07
R. Giskard Reventlov26-Sep-13 6:07 
GeneralI just wrote a story Pin
BillWoodruff25-Sep-13 8:13
professionalBillWoodruff25-Sep-13 8:13 
published under CPOPL, "Code Project Open Poetic License," copyright 2013, Bill Woodruff

~

The Mask of Spare Change

I had spent so many years perfecting this Mask of how I wanted to seem to other people, that I, finally, realized I had actually become the person I wanted other people to see me as.

Were other people, then, "Fools," because they saw me as what I wanted to seem to them to be; or, were they "wise to me:" and, their acting like they believed my impersonation was really a form of tolerance, or indifference, or maybe they were laughing behind my back all the while, experiencing me as some kind of sit-com on-the-hoof ?

Or, were they Fools because I had carefully selected the people that knew me because I sensed I could pass myself off on them as reflections of what they wanted to see: which, of course, made me: what ? a Fool at the apex of of a pyramid of Fools ?

And … that's when I got in a world of sh*t: because, just as a song, like "all around the mulberry bush," can ensorcell the mind into endlessly repeating it: I got hooked on going over-and-over this idea … to the point I could think of nothing else ! Saunas, cold baths, yoga, binging on Happy Meals: nothing seemed to help !

And, I want to explain that to you, but I have to do it in the form of a story, a fiction, because the "truth" of how I got stuck in what I became, and then couldn't get my ersatz personality out of the quicksand even using compound-low: required development of a whole new Mask of another pseudo-personality … which, of course, is this very story, itself: yes, what you are listening to, or reading: right now.

This is the homeopathic con meant to exorcise the real con whose corner I had painted myself … with the blackest of all paints, total self-absorbed despair … into.

… and the deliberate breaking of this second Mask, the story … I hoped … would then free me from the first Mask: to, finally, become, just like you (well, I think you are), a chameleon, a wearer of many Masks … unless, of course, like me, you also got hung-up in actually becoming a singular simulation of what you wanted other people to believe you were.

In which case, the story, the fiction, may have no "moral" for you: may even seem insane: in which case the best I can hope for … as author … is: you get … at least … "entertained." Or, so freaked out by my thorn-bramble thicket of sub-texts: you can't help but giggle.

But, the big cosmic kahuna mother-of-all-questions … I then discovered … was: what if what I perceived as my unique dilemma … a fake me: that "got over," "got by" … oh my … what if that were Universal ? As human as jealously, or the need for attention ?

So then: if everyone was, in effect, wearing a social mask conforming to the expectations of others: then I wasn't so damn special, after all …

… and the idea "I wasn't so damn special:" really broke my balls: I had a lot of seed-money in that crop.

Anyway, I realized I was unable to recognize to what extent my imagined condition of having assumed successfully a bogus personality tailored to other people's expectations … was, metaphysically, worth either a tinker's dam, or a soldier-of-fortune's final pay-day.

… or made one ounce of difference in the onrushing madness of the larger social life I was a part of courtesy of genes, ancestors, migrations, world-wars, trends, styles, fads … the seeds of personality style my early Gods (now known to be only "parents") had sown in me, to come to fruition with such grotesque mutations that left them, later, permanently terrorized by what their own delving and spanning had wrought.

And, once I realized this, I also realized that I had to abort this story here: it had already become the fiction it claimed it had to be, and it was metastasizing into particularly virulent metaphysical discourse.

I realized this while eating two Happy Meals with super-sized fries and diet-Coke.

I left McDonald's, loosening my belt two notches, but, a whole lot tighter around my ontology.

That was the day I met you in the park, and … by some magic that allowed us to suspend the normal cocoons of so necessary paranoid social vigilance around strangers in parks … abandoning social fear as naturally as the children swinging on the swings hopped off laughing … we walked in the park together, talking:

Whatever the word "stranger" meant, we both shed it like water off ducks' backs, and the tantalizing promise of the reality of a future love … was as tangible, in that autumn fragrant park, as the crackling of the dried leaves under our feet.

What does it mean when, suddenly, words are no longer necessary ?

When you realize you have enough spare change, to not need to short-change your own future by being too obsessed with what you are, or are not ?

And, that the Mask you wear, your Face, is not made of wood, clay, papier mâché, or plastic: it's living flesh that's constantly changing … like the length of the shadows in the trees in the light in the park ?

Well, maybe: "flesh" is close to "clay" in some ways, but in "flesh," the sculptor is present, and always re-shaping.

~

"Sometimes people carry to such perfection the Mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem." W. Somerset Maugham
GeneralRe: I just wrote a story Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 8:25
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 8:25 
GeneralRe: I just wrote a story Pin
thatraja25-Sep-13 9:27
professionalthatraja25-Sep-13 9:27 
GeneralRe: I just wrote a story Pin
BillWoodruff25-Sep-13 17:55
professionalBillWoodruff25-Sep-13 17:55 
GeneralRe: I just wrote a story Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov26-Sep-13 5:07
R. Giskard Reventlov26-Sep-13 5:07 
GeneralRe: I just wrote a story Pin
grralph125-Sep-13 22:29
grralph125-Sep-13 22:29 
GeneralI just ate a tangerine... Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:04
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:04 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
Mike Hankey25-Sep-13 7:08
mveMike Hankey25-Sep-13 7:08 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... PinPopular
lewax0025-Sep-13 7:12
lewax0025-Sep-13 7:12 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:17
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:17 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
lewax0025-Sep-13 7:19
lewax0025-Sep-13 7:19 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
MehGerbil25-Sep-13 7:19
MehGerbil25-Sep-13 7:19 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
Espen Harlinn25-Sep-13 7:36
professionalEspen Harlinn25-Sep-13 7:36 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:48
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:48 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
Espen Harlinn26-Sep-13 20:30
professionalEspen Harlinn26-Sep-13 20:30 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
BillWoodruff25-Sep-13 7:40
professionalBillWoodruff25-Sep-13 7:40 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
Ravi Bhavnani25-Sep-13 7:43
professionalRavi Bhavnani25-Sep-13 7:43 
GeneralRe: I just ate a tangerine... Pin
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:49
R. Giskard Reventlov25-Sep-13 7:49 

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