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Posted 19 Dec 2002

Improving the life of your laptop batteries

, 19 Dec 2002
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This is a humorous article on extending the battery life of your laptop


How often have you been on a plane coding that most-important function, when your laptop dies? This article will provide you with the steps required to extend the life of those batteries!

Improving the life of your laptop batteries

First take your laptop and take it out to the garage. Put it in a vice and clamp down on it real good. It cannot move. Now with a white marker locate the approximate location of the battery and draw a line on the case around the battery location.

Carefully take your brother's reciprocating saw and cut along the lines. Remove the battery and disconnect from the wire.

Items needed for this project

Head down to BillyBob's hardware store and get the following:
4 - 25V lead batteries (rechargeable of course)

2 - pieces black plexiglass

plexiglass glue and liquid aluminum glue.

two feet of wiring

The Project

When you get home cut the plexiglass to form a case round the four batteries. Make certain that the batteries fit snugly (you might want to get some wood wedges and hammer them in to tighten up those batteries!! Use the wires to connect the batteries together and use a blow torch to weld the wires onto the original connector that came with your small, light, pansy-of-a-battery. Run this wiring through any holes that came about from trying to glue those darn walls together in a 90 degree angle.

Now get out that liquid aluminum glue. You see it is a mostly unknown thing that many cases are made of that metal. Cover the plexiglass with the liquid aluminum and slam it on the case (after connecting the battery wire of course) Plug in your PC and in 3-4 weeks you should have all them-thar batteries charged up and ready to go. Unplug the plug from your socket and be prepared for a grand experience of days of power from your battery. In many cases you might also experience a slight increase in speed as a result of this enhancement to your laptop.

Now, if you checked your local hardware store, and they don't stock aluminum glue, please remember that bridge nails are not a suitable replacement! A laptop is a delicate instrument! It is a spawn of the devil, but it is also delicate. So here is what you need to do as an alternative.

Go back and get a new tool (pc geeks love new tools) and get yourself a pop rivet gun, high speed drill, diamond drill bits. You see, the pop rivet is clean and fast and only leaves behind a small bit of aluminum inside your laptop case. But this is okay. You see you are now creating something we in the high-tech industry call a multi-media device. As you get into these high tech projects, you will create (then later learn about) multi-media devices. And it is better than most! Does your neighbor's MP3 player jingle as he walks?

Now if you glued your box together (hope not) get your blow torch and melt the glue holding the top on. Be careful when removing the batteries, those suckers may be really hot. Take the empty box and slam it onto your PC then carefully drill your holes (using the high-speed drill and the diamond cutting bits) to prepare for your pop rivets. If you slip and go all the way through, take a peek inside the battery hole. If you hit just green and coppery stuff, no problem. You don't need all those colors anyway. If you hit chips or little nipple-like stuff, then you need to use one less battery since your laptop won't need so much power anymore.

Pop rivet the box on, hammer in the batteries, and then get ready for the experience of your life.

Now, one thing that you might experience, is that your laptop will smoke as frequently if not more than your standard model. As long as the smoke is white, it is alright. If the smoke ever turns black or brown, then turn off your system right away. It might have a virus.

Enjoy the longer life of your batteries and be prepared for the looks of jealousy you will get. Especially when walking through the corridors in the airport. All the business men are jealous of my machine and it shows in the sneering looks they give me! Now excuse me, I must go see my chiropractor about back problems.

Another hi tech article brought to you by your local hardware expert.


This article has no explicit license attached to it but may contain usage terms in the article text or the download files themselves. If in doubt please contact the author via the discussion board below.

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About the Author

Software Developer (Senior) currently : Avantia, Inc.
United States United States
I was born.

I'm currently coding.

I'll die some time in the future.

I have interests outside of programming and if you knew me then you'd know what those interests are.

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Comments and Discussions

Questionfollowed instructions exactly and now my laptop does not work! Pin
Lucan072-Apr-07 5:07
memberLucan072-Apr-07 5:07 
AnswerRe: followed instructions exactly and now my laptop does not work! Pin
LongRange.Shooter2-Apr-07 9:04
memberLongRange.Shooter2-Apr-07 9:04 
GeneralLaptop Battery Pin
GreenApple12318-Aug-06 10:54
memberGreenApple12318-Aug-06 10:54 
Generalreplacement batterys Pin
Anonymous18-Apr-04 20:06
memberAnonymous18-Apr-04 20:06 
GeneralRe: replacement batterys Pin
Anonymous18-Apr-04 20:09
memberAnonymous18-Apr-04 20:09 
GeneralStolen, and in the wrong spot. Pin
Christian Graus20-Dec-02 9:26
memberChristian Graus20-Dec-02 9:26 
GeneralRe: Stolen, and in the wrong spot. Pin
WebMage31-Jan-03 6:43
memberWebMage31-Jan-03 6:43 
GeneralAs the original poster of this question... Pin
Marc Clifton20-Dec-02 6:08
memberMarc Clifton20-Dec-02 6:08 
GeneralHo Ho Ho Pin
Dieter Hammer20-Dec-02 5:24
memberDieter Hammer20-Dec-02 5:24 
GeneralI am sure Pin
David Stone20-Dec-02 4:44
memberDavid Stone20-Dec-02 4:44 
GeneralRe: I am sure Pin
SpeedyDog3-Jan-07 19:53
memberSpeedyDog3-Jan-07 19:53 

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