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CDP1802 wrote: will not even go to the toilet without orders
Recruit: Sir!
Sgt: Recruit?
Recruit: I need to take a dump Sir!
Sgt: So is this some kind of Joke?
Recruit: No Sir, i am asking for permission Sir!
Sgt: Permission denied!
farting sound
Sgt: What in gods name did you do Recruit?
Recruit: Sir, i sh my pants Sir!
Sgt: Dismissed...
Recruit: Sir, yes Sir!
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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Dismissed? Are you crazy? Recruits get exactly two minutes to change their clothes, report back and then are sent back two or three times to correct some more things which were just discovered.
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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I know, but i didn't want to write the whole story 
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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I already thought that your posts smelled of fresh earth. 
The language is JavaScript. that of Mordor, which I will not utter here
This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it's still a f***ing golf cart.
"I don't know, extraterrestrial?"
"You mean like from space?"
"No, from Canada."
If software development were a circus, we would all be the clowns.
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Years and years ago, I was a 1st year at University, doing a Thin Sandwich course in Maths and Computer Science (as it was known in those days). This entailed a four year course, 6 months in teh classroom, 6 months in the real world.
My first placement was with the UK government Science and Engineering Council, at Rutherford Labs.
I and two others turned up for our first day, and were shown to an office with three desks, three chairs, and so on - the "real" owners were all away for a few weeks, so we could use it while "proper" space was sorted out. About two hours later, men in brown coats arrived, and removed the chairs. Our grade didn't allow us to sit in "those chairs". Cheaper, rather worn chairs were substituted.
An hour later, the same men were back, to do the same for the desks.
After lunch, they returned for the carpet...
The following morning, we were shown to our "real" office - I have no idea if the original desks and chairs ever returned, but from the glares we got a month later I suspect not! 
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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Around 1968 when I started working as an engineer in the Department of Transport in South Africa, I was given an old, dirty desk. It had a solid wood construction, but had accumulated a lot of crud over the years. I asked whether we could ship it to the Department of Public Works to be cleaned up. That was not allowed.
Then a colleague told me the secret to have desks cleaned: Break it, and send it in for repairs. The Public Works Department did not clean desks, unless it was sent in for repairs! So I did some minor damage to the poor desk and sent it in for repairs.
A few weeks later I had a shining new desk, completely overhauled with a new French polish finish! 
Civil servants!
How do we preserve the wisdom men will need,
when their violent passions are spent?
- The Lost Horizon
modified 2-Jul-15 7:19am.
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I have one that is happening right now actually, altough it doesn't involve a light bulb.
Me and me colleague were doing our job when suddenly someone decided to ring the bell.
My colleague went to answer it and i few minutes i overhear talk on a interesting topic about them cutting electricity off to the entire industry area on a normal Wednesday three days from now.
Being a IT company we could obviously not ignore this and asked where we could get the emergency power they should supply...
They said arranging that will be our responsibility apparently.
With that said, i will never let Enexis take care of my home power. 
#region(start signature)
Life's like a nose, you've got to get out of it whats in it!
#endregion
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Many years ago we got a university student for the summer holidays. When we went round introducing him to everyone, we introduced him as Mr Dent, first name Stu. (Stu Dent) We never mentioned his real name.
Throughout the summer holidays everyone only got to knew him as Stu.
At work a function his girlfriend got very suspicious and concerned why everyone keep calling him Stu and not by his real name which is all she knew.
On his final day the payroll Lady came round waiting to know who the hell this Jeff R...... person was as she had a final pay for him as she didn't know anyone in the Company called that......
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My mom told me a story about having to move a fridge from one side of the room they worked in; a process that took multiple days to complete. The order of execution was approximately:
1) An electrician unplugged it.
2) A metalworker removed the shelves from inside it.
3) A mover dragged it 20 feet across the room.
4) The metal worker returned to reinstall the shelves.
5) The electrician plugged it back in.
It's not just the ambulance chasers that're responsible for the crazy costs of US healthcare. 
Did you ever see history portrayed as an old man with a wise brow and pulseless heart, waging all things in the balance of reason?
Is not rather the genius of history like an eternal, imploring maiden, full of fire, with a burning heart and flaming soul, humanly warm and humanly beautiful?
--Zachris Topelius
Training a telescope on one’s own belly button will only reveal lint. You like that? You go right on staring at it. I prefer looking at galaxies.
-- Sarah Hoyt
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Smells like the federal government's work to me.
I can't (not suppose to) hang my own whiteboard in my cubicle. Must schedule Maintenance to do it. Oh I have to have a charge number ready.
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Friend of mine works in construction at a Major university. He oversees alot of really huge projects like putting in new air cond. Replacing entire wings of buildings etc...
Last summer during break they were about to put in new air cond coolers which used a water source. Large ones. They needed to shut off water to an entire building for a couple of days. Everyone is gone right? Not one physicists who was in the middle of an experiment who needed water. Doc Phys. thru a holy temper tantrum all the way to the university President. They couldn't take his water that weekend. He had to have water. no way around it without water his experiment would fail.
Friend finally tracked him down at a cafe downtown. Not in his office he is never there. Asked him how much water he needed and what type etc....
Oh just a small jug of purified water 1liter will be fine.
Friend left him 5 gallons of purified water outside his lab and shut off water to the building.
Seriously? Can't buy the water yourself?
To err is human to really mess up you need a computer
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Movie Quote Of The Day
Last one before next week wednesday
Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.
Which movie?
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A fish called Panda
#region(start signature)
Life's like a nose, you've got to get out of it whats in it!
#endregion
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True Lies
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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Dunno! I didn't think they made a movie called "How to beat the TSA" yet.
Prolly get into trouble if they did.
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Nietzsche vs. Predator
while (true) {
continue;
}
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Monty Python's quest for the holy Jamie Lee Curtis.
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Animal House
Software Zen: delete this;
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a few dozen
#region(start signature)
Life's like a nose, you've got to get out of it whats in it!
#endregion
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Oh gawd, not again!
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
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StaHp it plz urgntz!
if(this.signature != "")
{
MessageBox.Show("This is my signature: " + Environment.NewLine + signature);
}
else
{
MessageBox.Show("404-Signature not found");
}
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I'm debugging a ruby program, while learning the language at the same time. First impressions -  
Here are a few WTFs
* Whitespace alters behavior
a + b adds a to b (variables)
a +b calls method a
* Reserved words can be used as method names
* Methods can be eclipsed by variables with the same name
def foo
puts "I am a method"
end
followed by
foo=42
puts foo
will output 42
* Methods return the value of the last statement by default
I'm sure there are many more. You folks who have to deal with this every day have my deepest condolences.
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I remember back in the early 90s I was using a product called SuperBase, I debugged to a line of code and was getting a really weird error, there was nothing wrong with the code, it was really simple but it was throwing an error on that line. I tried everything I could think of and eventually deleted the line and retyped it. Never saw the error again. Really weird...
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
RAH
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For me, sometimes MS Word does the red squiggly line thing showing a spelling mistake, even when the word is clearly correct. Deleting and rewriting it exactly the same causes the squiggle to go away.
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Reading the title I thought:
Oh no! Silvio(*) has joined CP, may be I should leave ...
*For Italians it is easier to understand
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